witchyhellbroth:

pinenolanapple:

it takes 237 muscles to fake an orgasm but 15 to say “it’s called a clitoris and it’s right here”

#don’t ever fake an orgasm let them know they disappointed you

partybarackisinthehousetonight:

pro tip: fill the piñata with absolutely nothing to prepare your kids for the letdowns of adulthood

ikea-4-life:

when i say i want to marry my favorite musician i don’t mean just bang i mean like

i want to be making pancakes on sunday morning and have him walk downstairs in plaid pajama pants with messy hair and have him kiss me on the nose